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5 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Not Having Sex With You
23:46 by Cindy English · 67 Comments
So, you’ve been married for a while now and it has become apparent that your wife doesn’t like sex. She seemed to like it before you got married but alas…your relationship has followed the path of so many married couples.
I know, maybe women just “use” sex to trap good men and none of them “really” like it at all. 
The lack of sex in married life is one of the oldest jokes/complaints among men.
“Once you get married, the sex stops!” Right?
Why?
Well, most men have pondered this dilemma – during half-time – over a beer – with their “buds” and arrived at what can be the only sensible and reasonable explanation…
“Aw…the “old lady” just doesn’t like sex!”
How very intuitive!
Do you want to know why your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore?
It is about you. Yes, you – husband. It’s not about you being the world’s greatest lover, or being hung like a horse or having the staying power of the “Energizer Bunny”.
It’s about how you make HER feel…
I found this little article by Shawn Hill explaining why your wife may have lost interest in having sex with you. Though he doesn’t cover all of the reasons, he does a pretty good job of highlighting the major issues…
5 Reasons Why She’s Not Having Sex With You
by Shawn Hill
How does a sexual relationship that starts out so hot go so cold. It may take a while or it may happen over night. It does not matter, you just know that she is no longer having sex with you.
Even if you asked her, she may not tell you the truth. She may not want to hurt your feelings or she may not be able to figure out what the problem really is.
The real problem could be that what you did to get her, you have not continued to do to keep her. Check your actions against list to see if you may be turning your woman off.
- You don’t tell her how sexy she is. Remember when you first started dating her? She was hot. You couldn’t wait to see her. She not only felt attractive, you told her how attractive she is.
Now that you have been with her for a period of time you have gotten used to seeing her. You don’t have the same excitement that you once had. She can tell that you have lost that sexy feeling.
- You are not interested in anything else but sex. If the extent of your interest in her is only sexual, she will soon get tired of this. No matter how good the sex is.
Too many times men try to work on technique when they should be working on the relationship. They will read every book about Karma Sutra, Orgasms and Kissing. If she feels that all you want from her is sex, she will be turned off.
- You have changed. Whatever it is that she liked about you has changed. Maybe you were living a lie to try to attract her. Now that you have gotten her, you have reverted back to who you truly are.
Women are very preceptive. No one likes feeling like they are being played for a fool. If she feels like that you have deceived her, she will turn cold.
- It may have nothing to do with you. Unlike you, women are usually not able to enjoy sex if there are other problems in their life. These other concerns will affect how sexy she feels and also how much she will want to have sex.
- You are not listening. She may have tried to talk to you but you didn’t want to hear her. You took this as just more nagging. Now that the sex has stopped, you are ready to hear her. Sadly that ship may already have sailed.
Too many times we as men think that we can fix our sexual issues by learning new tips, tricks or techniques. We really need to look at our actions and see where we have gone wrong. Only after we have identified what the problem really is can we turn back on the fire in the bedroom.
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One More Thing…
To a woman, “having sex” is a chore but “making love” is an emotional and physical intimacy that she needs and craves.
Are you making love to your wife or just having sex? The answer IS important!
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Beautiful Enslavement
why does having sex with me make my woman feel like a whore
I tell her I love her, I try to touch her during the day: hold her hand, rub her back, rub her feet. I tell her she is beautiful and hot. I clean the house. I do the dishes, the laundry, and cook dinner. I babysit the kids. I take the kids to daycare and pick them up. The toilet seat is never left up. I always tell her when I’ll be home and where I’m going. I am physically fit and don’t have a pot. I can do almost 100 push ups in one shot. I have a nice job and get holidays to be with her and the kids. She disappears and has things she needs to do. I remember her anniversary and get her nice presents often. We snuggle in bed and I talk about my feelings and tell her this. She knows all of this. I go to bed after her usually and get up before her. She is always tired and will not wake up even after many nudges and tries. When we do have sex she is physically in pain afterward, no matter how slow we go. I always have to “make her horny.” she is never ready. In the last year she has approached me for intimacy only once and that was out of guilt. All the other times if I do not really really push for it then it is not happening. Sex is a chore to her. I am beginning to wonder if the orgasms are real. It is at least a week between times and usually a month. When she was pregnant it was well over a year’s dry-spell. I love my wife dearly and I love my kids. Right now the relationship is spiraling down. If I freak out and yell a lot and “be” that bad husband then I get some attention. Otherwise I am left alone. She is more attentive to me now, but only out of guilt. I don’t want mercy dates and mercy sex. I am not that kind of guy. I want my wife to be with me cause she wants to be not out of guilt. I wish I was born gay. Only another man can understand my frustration. I should try being a bastard and come home drunk looking for a fuck.
We live in different parts of the house. I stay upstairs and she stays downstairs. We dont get along anymore. I hate coming home and she works long hours. “Facebook” and her “hidden cellphone” is her way to communicate. I am tired and wish she would leave already. I dont care how beautiful and sexy she is………”Men” please fuck her, romance her and take her off my hands. Life is too short to be miserable. I have have stated to her, “I want a divorce” and “I am not happy”…..many times. What the hell is your problem? When you come home, cook dinner and try to be nice……… I know you have just left your man. Why come home? When you come home and sleep in the bed………..you holding up my ability to go out and get someone? We have sex….. MAYBE twice a month. If that. If you think I am giving up my home to you…….. its not going to happen. I guess she thinks she can live her, and fuc another man outside of the home. When I as her about sex, she says, “Well, I have a hysterectomy and my sex drive is love”. Does this woman think I am stupid or what??? When and if we dont have “pity” sexy………..she has new techniques I have never seen before….. like I am stupid….. or something. Oh well………………
I fugure if I comfront her infidelity she is only going to deny it……..so I hope it gets serious than she will leave!!
You two need a divorce. Get yourself a lawyer, you’ll get your divorce.
I’ve been in a sexless marriage for about 25 years.
This is because my hub has E/D and all the problems of a stressful job brings. High blood pressure etc. He has given up hope for any sex, and said he just dosen’t care any more about trying to have sex with me or any one else. Now I may be in my 50s I was really hurt and upset but I still those familar itchs. About 10 years ago I started to find other outlets to scratch the itch. I found some women and men to keep me happy. It was wonderful the softness of a women and the strength of a good hard man. I always seek out younger women and men, they make me feel young again. Totally happy now. Were still married and probably will stay that way. I told my husband about my little affairs and he had that deer in the headlights look. After a very long pause he said OK but that he would like to meet some of my friends. Last weekend I invited one of my girl friends over for dinner and to spend the night. He was Ok with the arrangement.
Tony, Dino & Amy – this is so sad. The problem is you are not communicating in the other person’s language. PLEASE read my book “How To Turn Your Wife Into A Swinger” at http://www.swingwithyourwife.com.Or at least sign up there for my free report. It will really help.
All the best,
Mike
It is about YOU. Yes, YOU, you stinking, selfish, senseless male person!
It’s never the woman’s fault, ever, is it?
This is such a load of BS!
I tell my wife she is everything to me but she is just not into sex anymore…either with me or without me. She’s always been a cold fish, but at this point and after so long, I don’t care anymore. I’m better off alone when it comes to sex now. At least I know how to handle a cock! She never did care.
this is whay men die 10 to 15 years earlyer thanks there spouse
Yes… The problem IS you! You have to love yourself 1000 times more than you love your spouse. If youre unhappy move on life is too short. Sex is very important.
#1 is very true. The absolute kicker is, he goes on and on about the hot women he sees when he’s out with his friends, but he won’t tell me I’m hot, let alone sexy. I go out of my way to look good for him, I tell him regularly how good he looks to me (and everything else I love about him, like the thoughtful things he does or how he’s a great father), I weigh 115 lbs at 5’4″ (5 lbs less than before we had our baby), I try time and again to initiate sex – but he either rejects me in favor of porn, or talks too much about other women right after we finish having sex a few too many times now. Now, yes I absolutely want sex, way more than we’re having, but he doesn’t make me feel sexy anymore. I am seriously turned off with the thought of him looking at me one more time and then turning me on my side, of him asking for a bj but never going down on me. Turned off by the thought of him pointing out one more spot on my skin, seeing my body one more time without saying something nice like “you are so hot”, and turned off hearing him blather on about some other girl (“I saw this hot chick earlier today…”) before or after we’ve had sex one. more. time. I will not have sex with him if he’s constantly making me feel like I am in a competition that I didn’t want, playing a game I didn’t even know I was playing, and not as good as other girls. Period. Say I’m desirable, treat me like I’m desirable, shut up about other women, and I’ll want you again. Hopefully.
Pay the cash, get a Hooker, their bjs are usually fantastic. Problem solved.
Great post. Only thing I do not agree is that: I also often want to have quick and passionate “sex” just as often as slow and emotional “making love” and most women I know are just the same. Men often complain about their wife’s lack-lustre approach to a fulfilling sex-life or to the hard work it takes to turn her on. I don’t think it’s at all like this, but many men wait for the woman to act and react. Just take the lead and don’t worry so much about if she wants it right now or not. She will. Maybe you also want to take a look at those 3 “Stealth Tactics” to turn her on http://www.husbandsmagic.com/secret-influence.html Endorse every word of it.
Number four is the only one that applies to me. What I have done throughout the past few years is to improve all those potential other reasons for my wife not wanting to have sex. As it turns out, it really doesn’t have to do with me. The other thing I have learned is that I am in a Catch-22 with regards to trying to “fix” it. Any attempt by me to interject myself into the subject is, ultimately, (although not entirely) met with derision. What that means is if there is one step forward there are two steps back. Here is what spouses who aren’t having sex with their spouses have to do- work on themselves. Having regular sex is not only fun but it is healthy for your body, mental status, and relationships. So to all those who read this article the idea that it is the fault of the person who wants to have a sex life I am here to tell you that this is not true (not in my case). Let us presume that the spouse who wants sex is not perfect. What the spouse who lacks sexual desire should do is confront them about those issues. My wife confronted me about issues she claimed were the reasons for her feeling a lack of consistent. As it turns out, after those issues were addressed, they had nothing to do with it. She had connected the two for the benefit of giving herself a reason to do something she does not want to do. Sex starvation in a relationship is worse than cheating. It is about power, control, and selfishness. This society is no different than the times of the Scarlet Letter when it comes to cheating but it sweeps sexual starvation under the rug.
I realize many will think I am joking with this post; I am not. I tried dating men and would sometimes have the occasional relationship but they all fell apart because I truly never wanted to have sex. Guess why? Turns out I’m GAY. I didn’t realize I was gay until I was 23 years old. Started dating at 16. It should have been obvious, but it just wasn’t to me. I could love a man but I could never be IN LOVE with a man. I am married now, for 3 years, to a beautiful woman. Life is amazing. Sometimes it doesn’t have to do with you. Remember that.
I also see a lot of comments from people in marriages where (1) either THEY need psychological/psychiatric help or (2) their partner does. This is not a condescending remark; it’s a very serious one. Ask around for a referral to a good psychiatrist from trusted friends or colleagues and PLEASE DO RESEARCH on how to bring up the subject of mental health with your partner. I can almost PROMISE you that you will mess it up if you don’t get advice from a professional on how to approach that topic.
Depression and ADHD wore me down for years until I got on the right meds. ADHD frustrated me to death and sapped me of energy, while depression made it feel impossible to get out of bed. Someone living in a state like that is definitely NOT okay. Especially when it is so simple to fix; all you have to do is be willing to ask for help. Lack of sex drive is typically the result of an internal, emotional problem, rather than “frigidness” or a desire to cause you stress. I think the basis of this entire article is ridiculous. It suggests that you can change the psychological condition of a person based on “acting” a certain way. That will only create more distance. Offer help. Get help. Stop playing games.
Oh, and more importantly stop buying into “quick fixes.”
I understand that emotional abuse is unacceptable. Of course. However, how could you willingly accept that from someone (by continuing to stay in a painful relationship) unless you ALSO had emotional problems that needed to be addressed? Otherwise, healthy boundaries would exist in that relationship that wouldn’t permit emotional abuse in the first place.
Agh, this whole website makes me sad.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!! I swear to you, it is so worth it. Remember to interview more than one therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/whomever. They are not all created equal; unfortunately you must be your own advocate when finding a treatment professional who is capable of providing the solution that you need.
On one hand, seeing this site and the content on it makes me really sad, but on the other hand it makes me so incredibly grateful that I’m an emotionally healthy adult who had the agency to ask for and receive help at a young age. If I hadn’t chosen the path that I did, I can only imagine how miserable I would be. Sometimes I forget how rare true happiness and contentment is. If nothing else, thank you for the reminder.
I have been in a relationship for almost 30 years. I love her very much but we haven’t had sex in three (3) years. When a woman (who is healthy and likes men) doesn’t want to have sex with the guy she says she loves, she is simply lying to you and is not in love with the guy! She’s not interested. Leave the marriage immediately! It is that simple. It was a shocker for me as a man to discover how many women really do hate men and only seek to get out of men whatever she can get, (i.e. money, house, car,….). That is why statistics (Dateline, 20/20, 60 Minutes) in America show an alarming rate of more and more men are opting to stay single forever and just enjoy a woman’s company when she can act like a ladies…and when they can’t—there is always other women.
Further, as a divorce lawyer I can’t count the number of female clients that I have represented that tell their lawyer “…I have never cheated on my husband…” On cross examination in court, I then discover the female clients have been carrying on long-term relationships with old boyfriends that they have been sleeping with (w/o husbands knowledge) but in their minds that is not cheating. It seems women will have a husband but 4 or 5 “others” as well and that is not cheating but their husband looking at porn is cheating. Go figure!