How did it go so wrong?

Have you ever asked yourself that?

Have you ever sat there and wondered how two people who were so much in love ended up where you are now?

Me too. Been there. Done that. "Have the t-shirt"… as they say.

Thinking about my own failed marriage, I realize that each step directly influenced the next which in turn has led me to where I am today.

I'm no expert but if I could sum up the failure of marriages everywhere is one sentence it would be this…

All marriages that fail are due to a series of unintentional misunderstandings!

We don't go into relationships planning to fail…

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This article is just my rambling thoughts about serial monogamy or multiple marriages.

I have been thinking more about "Julie", the woman I spoke of in the article "Children Are The Real Victims Of Infidelity".

Apart from a fear of being alone, I think that money, or rather the lack or it, is a serious factor in serial monogamy.

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Never believe that a cyber affair is anything less than a serious threat to your relationship.

"I didn't mean for it to happen…it just did."

Have you ever heard that from a spouse or a partner who cheated on you? The chances are very good that they were telling the truth.

It is possible that…

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I found this interesting questionaire on the target="_blank">BBC Site in the Science & Nature: Human Body & Mind section.









The questionaire was written at the London Institute of Psychiatry and is designed to assess the
likelihood of you having an affair.

I have always thought that out of sheer boredom more people would have affairs
if they thought that they could get away with it.

Turns out that I may be one of them. I took the test and discovered that I am a "medium risk"
for adultery due to my promiscuous tendencies! Shoot…and I thought that I was a good girl!

target="_blank">Take the test…see if you are naughty or nice.




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The question is as old as the problem itself…

Why do men cheat?

Is monogamy really a myth?

Are guys predestined to cheat because it is human nature?

Scientists have long explained that men are biologically motivated to seek out multiple sex partners. This natural instinct ensures a healthy gene pool and the survival of our species.

If this is true, then one cannot expect fidelity from a man. It kind of lets guys off the hook when they wander doesn't it?

So why do they feel guilty? If it is a man's biological right to have sex wherever, whenever, with whomever, why should they worry about being caught?

Because somewhere along the way, self imposed "ethics" and "morality" placed restrictions on human behavior…including sex!

Perhaps if guys didn't seem to derive such pleasure from sex, it wouldn't be such a sin. Think about it. If sex with multiple partners were just another "chore" for men as cleaning house and cooking meals is to women, would we get upset about it?

Probably not…poor guys!

Nevertheless…men do enjoy sex…a lot…and not always with their partner!


Here are their Top 10 reasons…

I'd like to say that they are in no particular order but, we all know what guys say is the number one reason that they cheat. Remember ladies, the jokes about sex ending when marriage begins, wouldn't be funny if there weren't some truth to them!

1. Not getting enough at home! Women tend to get caught up in "life" and sex gets put on the "back burner". She may be bent over helping the kids tie their shoes but he's still looking at her "nice ass". God…is that all they think about?
2. It's reassuring to know that he's still "got it". Time has a way of making us all feel less sexy and desirable. A little forbidden rendezvous can be a real shot to a sagging male ego.
3. The wife just isn't physically appealing anymore. Face it, women do tend to let themselves go. Often they get too busy raising their families and neglect themselves. They are too tired to put on make up or do those thigh slimming exercises. The result? A sexy new secretary and whatdayaknow…"Honey…I have to work late"!
4. Sex at home is boring. The wife doesn't like to try new things (or old things - namely, blow jobs!). To men, variety is the spice of life and he may have some sexual urges that his wife is not willing to fulfill. He may have some ideas that he would rather his wife didn't know about. Can you say "manage-a-trios"?
5. He just couldn't say no. The woman was hot and all over him. It just seemed like a once in a lifetime opportunity…too good to pass up. This is where the phrase "thinking with their little head" came from!
6. The wife just isn't fun anymore. She worries, she nags, she fusses and they fight all of the time. He cheats to "get away from it all".
7. He just doesn't love his wife anymore. And just how do you tell someone that tactfully? It is easier to have an affair than it is to deal with the pain and emotional upheaval of such a confession. On the other hand…if he is caught cheating? Well, the door is then opened for a speedy exit!
8. The thrill of the chase is exhilarating. Some men are truly addicted not only to the act of sex itself, but to the hunt. They thrive on the rush they get when they are able to conquer even the toughest "ice queen". It's not about love, it's about control and winning!
9. They cheat because they can. Many men know that their wives are insecure and dependant on them. They also know that low self esteem and a fear of being alone will keep her "in place" and "at home" no matter what, or who they do. So, why not? Variety - remember?
10. And finally, men cheat to get even! It is an absolute blow to the male ego for his sexual prowess to be in question. Why else would a woman cheat on him? His own affair as a result, serves two purposes, revenge and reassurance of manhood.

There you have it…the Top 10 reasons why men say that they cheat on their wives or partners.

Are any of them "excuseable"?
Mmmm…a couple…maybe (although most women won't agree).

Are any of them "preventable"?
Of course.

Although monogamy may not human nature…it is a choice!


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Dr. Reena Sommer, Ph.D., has authored a very helpful book called "The Anatomy Of An Affair".

I read the book and found it to be very helpful. What I appreciated most about it was a calm and sensible approach to understanding why an affair happens in the first place.

Often times, we get hung up in the "man vs woman", "villain vs victim" routine when it comes to explaining why an affair happens.

I found none of that in Dr. Sommer's book. In fact, unlike other books written about infidelity, her book does not takes sides or make judgments. Instead, it emphasizes the importance of understanding the dynamics of how affairs develop regardless of which side of the fence you are on.

She makes it very clear that in order to move on, heal or perhaps even rekindle the lost romance, couples first have to understand how their relationship arrived at the point where adultery could have been committed in the first place.

She encourages people to understand their cheating_spouses by putting themselves in their spouses shoes. Not so surprisingly, when this is done, often the partner who was cheated on can see that they played a role in it.

This doesn't mean that your partner "drove you to it" is a valid excuse, simply that both partners contributed to the circumstances that allowed an affair to take place.

"Affairs are not the cause of a relationship break-up…instead they are the symptom of a relationship that is highly lacking!"

This book clearly illustrates as it suggests, The Anatomy Of An Affair with several excellent case studies. But, by not getting sidetracked by the "cheater" or "cheated" perspective, this book gets to the heart of the matter.

This book will not tell you what you should do. That must be your decision. What it will do is give you the information, understanding and insight that you need to make a calm, informed decision about your future.

My advice? I think anyone being affected by the pain of infidelity should read this book before making any decisions about their future. Acting in haste, driven by anger does not allow for clarity and good judgment. This often results in regret.

Divorce does not have to be the inevitable outcome of an affair.
Dr. Reena Sommer's book will help you to see that!

I give it !


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