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Cheat Like A Girl Scout – Be Prepared!
09:55 by bcalendar · 16 Comments
Many people think it’s mostly the men who cheat on their wives and girlfriends. But, as women, we all have girlfriends who play around and many of us have plenty of extracurricular fun. To be fair, I’ve always assumed that both men and women cheat – it’s just that the guys are much more likely to get caught.
There are several reasons for this. For one, guys just aren’t always that careful about covering their tracks. For another, we girls are much more likely to pick up on body language cues and other tip-offs. Guys also have huge egos and as long as we act like we are happy with their sexual prowess (even if they only give us two pumps, a tickle and a squirt) assume that we wouldn’t think of cheating on them. Finally, because guys are almost always in heat, most of us girls have many more opportunities to cheat than guys do.
And, why shouldn’t we be a little naughty when the need arises? After all, do you really want to go through the rest of your life without ever experiencing a first kiss or the rush of romance and lust of a new relationship? There are quite simply too many adorable men out there not to have a little taste once in a while.
Beyond that, we all know that while relationship sex is fine, it just doesn’t have that thrill of the forbidden affair that can set our loins on fire. What our man doesn’t know certainly won’t hurt him.
Which is why, in this week’s edition, we are going to offer some great tips on how to be a good adulteress while letting your husband or boyfriend assume you are still a perfect angel.
• Keep having regular sex with your partner. This is where a lot of girls mess up. We get so caught up in our new relationship that we don’t have that much interest in spreading for the man we’ve got at home. If he’s used to getting it twice a week and that stops, he’ll notice. So, figure out how often you two do it and make sure you keep doing it that often (even if you have to close your eyes and think of your new stud puppy to get off).
• If your husband or boyfriend wants to get frisky one night and you were with your loverman during the day, offer your husband oral sex instead of screwing. Tell him you want it to be all about him and that you feel the need to worship him. No husband will ever turn this down. This is important because the smell and taste of latex will linger in your pink parts even if you’ve taken a shower and if he can taste a condom, you’ll be screwed – in a bad way.
• Buy a pay as you go cell phone. These phones can be purchased very cheaply with cash. This is the phone you will use to call and get calls from your boy toy. This way there will never be any evidence on your cell phone bill – and you won’t have to worry about your husband finding any naughty text messages on your cell phone.
• If possible, try to have your affair with a guy who already has a wife or girlfriend. They are much, much less likely to create drama in your life that could cause you to get caught. They will be looking for playtime and won’t be interested in sabotaging your relationship.
• Pick a guy who is the same race as your husband or boyfriend. Birth control is not 100 percent effective. If you are a Caucasian girl married to an African American and your birth control fails, it might be very hard to convince him that you have recessive Asian genes after the baby is born. Of course, if you really want to date someone completely different than your partner, you could also search for guys who have had vasectomies.
• Create an “Adultery Kit” and keep it hidden somewhere your husband won’t find. I keep it hidden underneath the spare tire in the trunk of my car. Inside I have condoms, my pay as you go cell phone, lube, toothpaste, a spare set of panties and travel sized bottle of bath gel and shampoo. Make sure the soap and shampoo are the same brands you use at home – so your husband doesn’t notice that you smell different every time you meet your girlfriends for “lunch.”
• Make sure at least one friend you can trust knows about your affair. She can be your alibi and also a good reference point to hold you in check if she notices that you are getting too involved with your lover or starting to act careless. Make sure she knows when all of your dates are happening so she doesn’t accidentally call your home while you are out and about. That way you can always claim you were with her and lost track of time, if your lover wants to go three or more rounds before sending you back to your unsuspecting spouse.
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There are really good tips. I’m sort of frustrated with how good they are, because I don’t think this is behavior people should be encouraging.
Brilliant! Even a dyke like myself can find something to learn from your tips.
These are great tips! Including a couple I hadn’t thought of.
You r 99% right. I deducted 1% only because you left out a very important element. “Penis size”. If the guy is larger U have to go to the erotic store and buy a dildo tyo match his size. You explain this by saying “I just need more” when u aren’t here so I treated myself. This was my first indication when my girlfriend was cheating on me.
This is despicable! What depraved, selfish hedonism is this? It is entirely one thing to privately wonder about someone new. But it is something entirely evil to set up systems and agencies to proliferate a decadent culture. This is damaging and hurtful to everyone all for the sake of selfish sex! The fact that there is so much secrecy should pointedly illustrate how wrong cheating is. The fact that all of this is so open and people talk about it so casually is frightening! Be a person of character. Tell the significant other what your thinking and work it out!
Such a valuable and worthwhile article! I completely disagree with Will. The fact that discussions on adultery are so open now and people talk about them so casually is NOT frightening. It is in fact a sign of the times. Adultery is a part of the mainstream now and quickly becoming socially acceptable, especially among women. What do you think the main topic of discussion is when I’m out with my GFs? You guessed it, affairs and new lovers. We’re open, we provide encouragement and I think we’ve become our own Adultery support group. BTW, excellent idea about the Adultery Kit, I’m assembling mine ASAP and believe me it will be well hidden. I didn’t know the smell of condoms stayed with you. What a pain! But it’s certainly a great to know.
Paige, it’s great to see a woman like you who can be honest about what happens in real life. I think a lot of the stigma surrounding adultery comes from the fact that a lot of people don’t talk about it in public.
Most men and women when they are with their own gender gossip about new conquests, but then many people act shocked when cheating is discussed outside of that context.
And, life is short. If a woman wants a new lover, she should embrace her sexuality and experience all that life has to offer!
Bart, thanks for your thoughtful response. I agree with you about the gender thing. I certainly wouldn’t discuss my affair with a male friend. I suppose I would be fearful I couldn’t trust him. However, I have been in a discussion a couple of times in a mixed group about affairs in our circle of friends. Of course I agree with you. If a woman wants a new lover, she obviously needs one and should go for it. So many women today feel the same.
And men should embrace her and want her for a partner. Because a woman who is confident enough in her sexuality to seek out extra curricular men is going to bring that same confidence into your bedroom.
I am not sure why, but this article makes me feel sad. What have we become? If a couple has an agreement, well that is okay in my book, but without openness and honesty, well where has our morality gone? Why get married?
Baby Boomer,
I would guess your from a different era. But then I would also guess you weren’t one of the BBs doing one nighters during the 70′s. Many, many women have affairs today. Like it or not it’s a fact. So you would like it better if they had their affairs and weren’t prepared? I fail to see why being prepared would make you sad. I like openess and honesty too. But I’m afraid that’s just not a possibility when you’re in an extra marital affair. Morality? It’s not a matter of morality. It simply a matter of women in loveless marriages looking for sexual fulfillment outside their marriage. That, in my opinion, is what the 50% increase in adultery by women is all about. Why marry? Of course at the time of the marriage we’re all madly is love/lust. Who has any idea how the relationship will endure. Situations change, relationships change, and certainly people change.
Paige
Again this idea that women are great cheaters because we are must catch them less is like saying that bigfoot is a good hider because we never see him. I think that bcalendar desperately wants women to be as successful cheaters as men so she comes up with sexist ideas about men just being caught more often because that is the only way her evidence-less theory makes sense.