Just Click & Enter Your Email Address!Consequences, Divorce
Children Are The Real Victims Of Infidelity
21:59 by Cindy English · 5 Comments
Multiple marriages seem to be very common today.
I know a woman, Julie, who recently went through her fifth divorce.
She is 31 years old!
Her longest marriage lasted two and a half years and her shortest was seven months. This would indicate to me that there are underlying “issues” that make it impossible for her to maintain a relationship but that is not what puzzles me most.
What confuses me about Julie and so many other people that I know is their ability to hop from partner to partner with apparent ease. People seem to fall in and out of love so rapidly that I doubt that they were ever truly “in love” in the first place.
Although I have not known Julie through all of her marriages, I have known her for the last three. Each marriage happened within six months of first meeting and each ended because of infidelity.
Marriage #3 – Julie cheated on her husband and got caught. She was given a second chance, but when she became involved in a second affair, her husband sent her packing.
Marriage #4 – Julie’s husband cheated on her with her best friend so, in retaliation, Julie cheated too, with the best friend’s husband. They literally ended up trading partners!
Marriage #5 – Julie’s husband, acquired through the shenanigans of marriage #4, cheated on her with his original wife, the ex-best friend. He left Julie to return to her.
One month after his departure, Julie was already thrilled to be “in love” again. Three months later, they are living together and planning their wedding even though divorce #5 is not yet final!
How do people do that? I have been divorced from my husband for over 13 years and I have yet to “fall in love” again. I am hopeful, but it just hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps I am just too picky.
Why does it seem that we put little thought into our next partner these days? Is it that we just can’t stand to be alone? Julie can’t and she admits it. So, she quickly goes from relationship to relationship without really knowing her partners before she marries them.
Is she in love each time? I don’t think so. Although Julie will argue that she is, I believe she is just high on that “new love” feeling and overlooks obvious problems until it’s too late. When the new wears off and the dust settles, she finds her new marriage less than perfect.
The sad thing about Julie’s multiple marriages is that a child was born during marriage #3. That little boy, Shaun, is now a very confused and angry 9 year old. He did his best to adjust to his new step dad (marriage #4). He even came to like the man. When that relationship fell apart, he was upset.
After that, Shaun rebelled against every boyfriend that came through his door. His mother brushed off each of his protests saying “he’ll get over it – he’s just a kid”. But Shaun hasn’t gotten over it. With the arrival of “would-be husband” #6, he asked to leave to live with his father.
Although the move has provided some stability in his little life, the anger remains. Shaun fights continuously with his dad, stays in trouble at school and although he loves his mom, he will tell you that he is “mad at her”.
How sad. This little boy is a victim of infidelity. Adults tend to think that kids are resilient. They adjust. They bounce back. Some do, but many don’t at least not without help. They are very much affected by their parents behavior. They suffer from the same anxieties, fears and insecurities that adults do!
If it is true that we teach by example, what hope does Shaun have of ever having a successful relationship with a woman when he grows up? Since he now knows through his mother’s example that partners are temporary and dispensable, will he hop from woman to woman through out his life?
Or will he follow his father’s example and withdraw from the relationship game altogether for fear of failure?
The outlook is not promising!
If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to the OCW Newsletter
Related Posts
Does Double Dipping Effect Your Kids? Hearing Aids And Other STD’s
Incoming search terms:
- multiple marriages
- cheating moms and the effect on children
- children handling multiple marriages
- effects of children born from infidelity
- effects of multiple marriages on children
- multiple marriages effects
- women multiple marriages
- can i get over infidelity for the kids
- multiple marriage by cheating
- multiple cheating marriage
Beautiful Enslavement
The post was almost like reading about my own marriages. I’ll be 28 in December and my third divorce will be final Sep 14 and I’m remarrying again on the 16th. Only difference is I have an almost five year old from my first marriage. I think you’ll find many women today who have had multiple marriages. All of my close GFs have had multiple marriages and even my MOM. Obviously the frequency of women with multiple marriages is due to the widespread acceptance of women in affairs today. It happens, and it happens very frequently.
Kelly
This is opposite of my situation! My ex husband just got out of his fith marriage and now moving in with prospect #6. We have a little girl that is 5 yrs old from our marriage, which only lasted a few months. I’m so scared for my little girl, granted she’s with me most of the time, she still talks and cries sometimes over missing or step sisters from his previous marriage. She’s a happy little girl now, but she’s only had to experience this once so far. My ex’s daughter and son both have some issues. His daughter is 14 and she struggles with all of this, she had to seek councling at the beginning of the school year. The son has just now started showing signs. He has been getting in trouble at school this year. I want to protect my little girl and don’t know what to do. I feel strapped!
Becky,
Good luck with your daughter. I think we’re both fortunate our daughters are young still. My daughter, like yours, is happy and I make certain to spend as much time with her as possible and attend to whatever needs that come up. My first EX and I divorced when she was two so actually she never remembers her dad and I being together.
Kelly
Kelly,
You hit the nail on the head. The widespread acceptance of women in affairs has certainly led to more and more women in extramarital affairs. And that in itself of course lends to more women divorcing and of course remarrying. I promise you women in affairs are the norm now, not an exception. There is absolutely no stigna now attached to marriage, divorce, and remarriage. I’ve always felt thats the way it should be. I’m in my fourth marriage now also and just turned 30. So I know exactly what you’ve been through. I’ve enjoyed every single marriage and would do it all over again. Like you, I, divorced my first EX when my child was very young and the divorce has had little or no impact on him.
So your Mom has had multiples marriage also? My Mom has too. I wonder if there is a link?
Kelly and BV are on the right track with regard to divorcing while their children were young. Unlike Kelly and BV I didn’t have a child until my third marriage. My daughter was almost 3 and the divorce had absolutely no effect on her. My EX has her every other weekend and a couple weeks during the summer and its working perfectly for her. She’s very happy and content. And I’m not stuck in a loveless marriage. I would advise anyone who remotely is considering a divorce to go ahead with it before their children get older. It’s so much easier for them when there very young.