Multiple marriages seem to be very common today.

I know a woman, Julie, who recently went through her fifth divorce.

She is 31 years old!

Her longest marriage lasted two and a half years and her shortest was seven months. This would indicate to me that there are underlying "issues" that make it impossible for her to maintain a relationship but that is not what puzzles me most.

What confuses me about Julie and so many other people that I know is their ability to hop from partner to partner with apparent ease. People seem to fall in and out of love so rapidly that I doubt that they were ever truly "in love" in the first place.

Although I have not known Julie through all of her marriages, I have known her for the last three. Each marriage happened within six months of first meeting and each ended because of infidelity.

Marriage #3 - Julie cheated on her husband and got caught. She was given a second chance, but when she became involved in a second affair, her husband sent her packing.

Marriage #4 - Julie's husband cheated on her with her best friend so, in retaliation, Julie cheated too, with the best friend's husband. They literally ended up trading partners!

Marriage #5 - Julie's husband, acquired through the shenanigans of marriage #4, cheated on her with his original wife, the ex-best friend. He left Julie to return to her.

One month after his departure, Julie was already thrilled to be "in love" again. Three months later, they are living together and planning their wedding even though divorce #5 is not yet final!

How do people do that? I have been divorced from my husband for over 13 years and I have yet to "fall in love" again. I am hopeful, but it just hasn't happened yet. Perhaps I am just too picky.

Why does it seem that we put little thought into our next partner these days? Is it that we just can't stand to be alone? Julie can't and she admits it. So, she quickly goes from relationship to relationship without really knowing her partners before she marries them.

Is she in love each time? I don't think so. Although Julie will argue that she is, I believe she is just high on that "new love" feeling and overlooks obvious problems until it's too late. When the new wears off and the dust settles, she finds her new marriage less than perfect.

The sad thing about Julie's multiple marriages is that a child was born during marriage #3. That little boy, Shaun, is now a very confused and angry 9 year old. He did his best to adjust to his new step dad (marriage #4). He even came to like the man. When that relationship fell apart, he was upset.

After that, Shaun rebelled against every boyfriend that came through his door. His mother brushed off each of his protests saying "he'll get over it - he's just a kid". But Shaun hasn't gotten over it. With the arrival of "would-be husband" #6, he asked to leave to live with his father.

Although the move has provided some stability in his little life, the anger remains. Shaun fights continuously with his dad, stays in trouble at school and although he loves his mom, he will tell you that he is "mad at her".

How sad. This little boy is a victim of infidelity. Adults tend to think that kids are resilient. They adjust. They bounce back. Some do, but many don't at least not without help. They are very much affected by their parents behavior. They suffer from the same anxieties, fears and insecurities that adults do!

If it is true that we teach by example, what hope does Shaun have of ever having a successful relationship with a woman when he grows up? Since he now knows through his mother's example that partners are temporary and dispensable, will he hop from woman to woman through out his life?

Or will he follow his father's example and withdraw from the relationship game altogether for fear of failure?

The outlook is not promising!




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