Decision Time, Relationships At Risk, Why Do We Cheat?

Now That I Know He's Cheating What Should I Do?

When I first discovered my husband's infidelity I was so devastated. I was an emotional "basket case".

We had been married for 15 years and sort of "grew up" together. I could not imagine life without him and his 12 year old daughter thought the sun rose and set on her "Dear Old Dad".

At the time, he worked away from home for 21 days straight and would be home for 7. Not the ideal situation for any couple but, it was temporary and I thought we would get through it.

The moment he arrived on what would be his last stay at home, I could sense that something was drastically wrong. As I was busy telling him about life while he was away, I stopped in mid-sentence to ask, "you really are not interested in anything that I am telling you – are you?" With one word, my world changed. "No."

He was cheating on me!

Although I was angry, hurt and confused, I spent an entire night crying and just sitting, watching my husband sleep peacefully. How could he do that? Sleep so peacefully I mean?

My world was falling apart he was sleeping!

I said nothing and told no one until the next day. I called my mom of course. She is a wise lady and not prone to overreacting. Though I had heard these warnings from her many times throughout my life, I needed to hear them again.

"Be careful what you say, you can't un-ring a bell."
"Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it."
"Don't react in haste, you will be sorry for it later."

Sound advice. Hard to do, but very sound advice.

First instincts are to wound with words, scream, yell, throw your husband out and perhaps even destroy pictures and other precious mementos. It is natural to want to inflict as much pain on him as he has caused you. The term "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" didn't come out of nowhere!

If you can at all help yourself – do not do it!

Verbal attacks will only reinforce your husband's need to be with the "other woman". You may come to regret throwing him out in haste or destroying things once you have had time to think. You do not stop loving someone the instant you learn of their infidelity. You just can't feel the love because you are in so much pain!

How you react during the first days of discovery could be the difference between working things out and losing everything. Take time to think first – react later. Your behavior will affect you both and your children for the rest of your lives.

If you value your relationship with your husband, try to work things out. Divorce is not a forgone conclusion. Many couples have succeeded in reviving their love for one another after an affair.

If staying together is not an option, try to let go of the anger and resentment. Those feelings will not allow you to go forward in life. You have to let go. Know that you did your best and try to move on. It is the only way to be at peace.

Tell yourself that "this too, shall pass". You may not believe it now, but someday, you will be calm again. You will get through this. The anger will subside, the sun will shine and you will smile again. You may never be quite "the same" but you will be okay.

It took a long time, but, today, I do remember my ex-husband with a smile. We had some great times together. There is no denying that.

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