If I had to pick the one thing responsible for both the best and the worst of relationships, it would be the mind.

The mind is a very powerful thing and sex and relationships are very much a mind game.

Have you ever seen a beautiful person with a rather homely partner and wondered why?

If you really think about it, we love people because of the way they make us feel about ourselves.

It's not because they are good looking, or great in bed, or who they are…it is about whether or not they make us feel good about ourselves.

Look at it this way…

You may not look like Johnny Depp or be the world's greatest lover but if you make me feel good when I am with you I am going to feel good about myself.

If I feel respected, valued, accepted, safe, comfortable and free to be "me" I am going to love you and I am going to want to be around you. When I feel good about myself, I am sexy.

That translates into better sex and a much more meaningful relationship.

When people start taking each other for granted and don't take time for the "little things", those good feelings fade. Dissatisfaction and insecurity sets in. Trouble begins.

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship and wondered…"what did I ever see in him"?

We all have.

What you saw was a person who made you feel good about yourself at the time.

When the relationship was new, his behavior made you feel sexy, desirable, self confident and worthy. You loved him even if he did squeeze the toothpaste wrong. Likewise, he didn't care that you "snorted" when you giggled because you made him feel appreciated and needed. You were happy and in love. You made each other feel good about yourselves. Your minds were "happy".

So what the hell happened?

The "new" wore off, "life" happened. You got busy. Your minds were consumed by the day to day worries and you stopped taking the time to nurture each other. Suddenly, the wrinkled up toothpaste tube bugged the hell out of you and your "snorting" when you giggled drove him up the wall. Neither of you felt desirable, worthy or needed anymore.

You stopped feeling good. The relationship spiraled downhill and you wondered how you ever loved this person in the first place.

Don't believe me? Think about it.

Everything we do in life is because of positive or negative reinforcement that we get as a result of our actions. (Behavior Modification principals)

• If I touch a hot stove…it burns…it doesn't make me feel good…I am never going to touch a hot stove again.
• If I tell my partner, "I love you"…he blows it off and does not reciprocate…it hurts…I feel insignificant, unimportant…chances are good that I am never going to "stick my neck out" and tell him that again.

On the other hand…

• I order a double chocolate, Kahlua Mudslide…it is delicious…it makes me feel good, happy even…I am going to order another.
• If I kiss my partner and he responds with a "bear hug"…it feels great…it makes me feel loved and appreciated…and I am going to do it again and again!

Good relationships and great sex start with the mind! If your mind is in a happy place, your body will follow. If only more people realized that!

I am going to have a double chocolate Kalhua Mudslide! LOL




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