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Dew On The Lily
09:28 by Cindy English · 2 Comments
My ex-husband asked me this once when I came home from a little get together at a girlfriend’s house…
“So, is there any dew on the lily?”
Dew on the lily?
Are you kidding me? Nope!
In his own colorful way, he was asking me if I had cheated on him!
Why is it that when the passion fades and lust is once again something to fantasize about, a man’s first instinct is to point an accusing finger?
“You’re not hitting on me so you must be doing someone else – are you?”
There are only two good reasons for these immature accusations…
Number one…in his mind, if he can convince you that you are failing in your “wifely duties” by neglecting his sexual needs in favor of pleasing someone else, perhaps you will “put out” a little more just out of guilt. Hey, he’ll take it any way he can get it…he’s not proud!
or…
Two…he’d really like to bang that hot new secretary but he’s a chicken shit and needs a good excuse. Accusing you of having an affair justifies his lustful urges and in his “little head” gives him the green light to go red light! LOL And…if he gets caught…he can blame it on you because you drove him to it!
Guys…when you notice a lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom, why go straight for the ultimate slap when there could be one of a multitude of reasons for the sudden wave of celibacy? Is it just too difficult to ask what the problem is and why there isn’t a large scale attraction to “your sexual nature?” Is it just possible that if you ask the question, you might not like the answer? Does accusing her of cheating make you feel rightfully ruffled in your feathers? Empowered? Entitled even? Maybe so.
You certainly don’t want to come across like a jerk by getting all demanding and throwing down ultimatums just in case you are wrong. No, manipulating her with your insecurity seems like an easier way to get what you want without having to work on the problem or risk bruising your fragile male ego.
Guilt driven sex is not really something you want to build any type of long term relationship on, but most guys are just lost when it comes to asking if they are doing “it” well enough to keep things interesting. Usually, guys aren’t interested in taking on any of the responsibility because instead of viewing female feedback as information for being a better lover, they take it as a criticism.
Wise up! If you insist on approaching a woman with your weapons drawn, your pride wounded, and your needs higher on the list than hers you aren’t likely to open up any communication that will address the fact that you’re just not getting any.
Not too many women are comfortable creating any kind of sexual relationship based on anger and guilt. Your lady is no different. Using the lame technique of accusation and dejection in order to manipulate her into sexual contact is likely to backfire. The best you can hope for with this approach is “favor sex” done because of a sense of duty, not love or desire.
Have you considered that your approach is totally turning her off ? If she’s resisting your advances, and regularly turning you down it most likely has nothing to do with giving “it” away somewhere else. She’s telling you that she isn’t interested. She’s telling you that she isn’t having a good time. Yup! She’s telling you that she is being taken for granted and is bored with you.
And so, you are locked in a battle of wills. She just wants to feel like more than a convenient toy – you just want more sex. Who is winning so far?
Um hmm…that’s what I thought!
Have you ever heard the saying: “You get as good as you give?” Great relationships and great sex take a little effort on everyone’s behalf. Accept your share of the responsibility and the only “dew on her lily” will be yours!
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He may also be hoping you are cheating. The number of men with cuckold fetishes is huge and the idea that you are cheating on him may be a huge turn on for him.
Particularly if he’s asking in a non threatening way like “dew on the lilly” he might not be accusing you of anything, but, instead, hoping you are living out his fantasy.
“She’s telling you that she is being taken for granted”
from that sentence on down is what i’ve been living. he’s been a real ass, i mean really verbally abusive, and bugging me for sex constantly—after degrading and not even trying to understand me—and i’d do it, and it was never enough–7 or more times a day if we made time—come to find out, he was cheating with much less desirable women the whole entire time..nasty bitches that look like they just crawled out of a grave!
and bart, that’s an interesting point, and i’m sure it’s true for some hypersexualized men, but i think “dew on the lily” would be a big slap in the face unless previously discussed between us.