Just Click & Enter Your Email Address!Why Do We Cheat?
Is Monogamy A Myth?
22:01 by Cindy English · 1 Comment
So…is monogamy really a myth?
We flirt.
We date.
We fall in love.
We marry.
We live happily-ever-after…or do we?
Not likely and the number one killer of our “fairy tale life”? Adultery.
With approximately 22 percent of all divorces being the result of adultery, Cinderella and Prince Charming need more than a Fairy Godmother to help them stay together!
It is difficult to get accurate statistics on infidelity because people are not always willing to disclose their indescretions. However, according to Peggy Vaughan, the author of “The Monogamy Myth”, recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at some point indulge in extramarital affairs. Since these people are not always married to each other, that indicates that approximately 80% of all marriages are touched by infidelity.
One thing is crystal clear. We cheat!
So, how do we account for our promiscuous behavior?
Are we just self-indulged scoundrels with the morals of alley cats or…is it just possible that monogamy really is a myth?
Monogamy
If humans are naturally monogamous, wouldn’t sexual promiscuity be totally unheard of? Wouldn’t monogamy be practised by all humans rather than just certain cultures? Polygamy would not exist, yet it does!
David Barash, a University of Washington zoologist and professor of psychology, and Judith Lipton, a Seattle psychiatrist, contend that that monogamy among animals, and humans in particular, may be the exception rather than the rule. As authors of the book The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People they claim that no animal, including humans, is monogamous 100% of the time.
Scientists have long explained that all animals, homo sapiens included, are biologically motivated to ensure their reproductive success not only by picking the highest quality mate they can get but also by taking others on the side. This ensures the continuance of their species.
People are animals and animals do not mate because they are in love. They mate because of a deep seeded, natural, biological instinct.
It would seem then, that since monogamy does not come naturally for humans, one should not expect it or take it for granted in a relationship. However, sexual fidelity is possible even though it may be unnatural. It just requires a continuous, conscious effort. Those couples who do remain faithful, do so because they choose to.
Ah ha! So cheating is a choice! This opens the door to the…
Self Indulged Scoundrels
Human beings are guided by common sense and higher powers of reasoning. That’s what separates us from the rest of the animals. Do we always exercise good judgement? No.
While we are painfully aware of the consequenes of cheating on our spouse or partner, we often throw caution to the wind when we find ourselves faced with temptation.
How many of us if we were 100 percent honest would admit that at some point, we have wanted to cheat on a partner or spouse?
How many of us have those secret, hidden desires, or fantasies that we would like to act on? How many of us have found ourselves caught up in a moment of forbidden sexual tension with someone other than our partner? A moment that was so heated and so arousing that all reasoning escaped you?
So why do we cheat?
If you are alive at all, temptation is everywhere. “Just say no” – right? Easier said than done. Ask any overweight person trying to resist that gorgeous piece of triple fudge chocolate cake. Ask the smoker who has just flushed a whole package of cigarettes only to race out and buy another pack a couple of hours later.
Same difference. We all have our needs, our vices and our addictions.
Some people crave emotional connections, some people enjoy erotic adventures and some people are just plain addicted to sex.
We all deal with our sexual desires and demons in different ways.
- There are a lot of couples who have what is known an “open relationship”. They actively and knowingly seek out other sexual partners.
- There are couples who call themselves “swingers” and together engage in sexual activities with other like-minded couples.
- There are couples where one partner has lost the desire to have sex but does not prohibit the other from seeking it elsewhere.
- There are couples where one or both partners have at sometime given in to the temptation of cheating but still managed to continue a healthy, loving relationship.
- There are couples who have never cheated and wholeheartedly stand by their belief that it is immoral and unethical.
Since “ethics” and “morality” themselves are questionable because they are created and modified by people, who is to say definitively that any one of these lifestyles is right or wrong?
It seems that for humans, sexual fidelity does not come naturally. Biology predisposes us to seek multiple sex partners.
Monogamy is a choice, that requires exceptional willpower. If you expect it to come naturally, your relationship is doomed.
In other words, do not take monogamy for granted – take the urge to stray for granted.
We are “only human” after all.
So…do we choose to cheat or is it just human nature?
Both!
sources:
- WebMD
- David Barash Ph.D
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It’s pretty much been established that monogamy is a myth – even in other species that appear to be monogamous (penguins, etc.) it isn’t true monogamy but more like limited exclusive polyamory.
With DNA evidence, we now know there isn’t a single species that is monogamous – not even humans. In fact humans are LESS monogamous than many other species.
This is not, however, something that society is ready/willing to embrace.