About Men

How Men Feel When Their Wives Goes Astray

If you search the Internet, read magazines or go to the movies you'll see dozens, if not hundreds, of stories about how a woman feels when her man has sex with another woman. Yet, you almost never hear similar stories from the male point of view. Men are supposed to be tough, so they often don't talk about how they feel when their partner opens herself up for another man.

That's why we decided to seek out men whose wives had strayed, and find out how they reacted. We’ve gotten a variety of responses we'd like to share with you. Most of them felt hurt and betrayed, and some were upset even when they'd discussed the idea of her having an affair and “cuckolding” him in advance.

Interestingly, when asked what concerned them the most, not one of them said they were worried about accidentally raising another man's baby – even though popular culture would have you believe that is the number one concern. Instead, all of them said the possibility of getting an STD was there biggest concern. Now, we are going to provide you – in their own words – the feelings men went through when they discovered they were not the only one.

“Dan” found out his fiancée was cheating on him when a friend confronted him with the fact. He did some investigating and discovered “she'd been sleeping with about a dozen other guys for the duration of our relationship. “

Dan says he was devastated and couldn't look at her the same way again.

“She'd lied to me constantly. I'd been ready to marry her, and it turned out her true personality was the exact opposite of what I'd thought.”

He also says that he doesn't think he was at fault in any way, shape or form for his girl looking for others.

“It was all her. She'd set out to deliberately deceive me right from the start. She coldly and deliberately lied to me about every aspect of our relationship and presented a completely false persona. I was utterly devastated. I seriously considered suicide, and my weight dropped to under 125 pounds – I'm over six foot tall. It rocked my confidence for years afterward.”

Dan also said he didn't have any reason to think she was cheating before he found out.

“We had a very active sex life, were always very affectionate and rarely argued. She was occasionally secretive, but she'd always been like that.”

“John” had similar feelings when he found out that his wife was cheating on him. In this case, she left her laptop turned on with MSN Messenger still logged in – and his wife's lover came on and wanted to talk to her!

“I'd had suspicions so it wasn't a total shock, but it still left me feeling like I'd been kicked in the guts. I screamed a lot, cried a lot & felt very lethargic.

“It was entirely her fault. If she had a problem with our relationship, then she should have acted like an adult and spoken to me about it.“

John says that the idea that men are hurt less by cheating is a myth.

“It's just that men generally don't talk about it. I wasn't able to just shrug it off and move on no matter how much I tried. It hurt more than words can describe and I was very devastated.”

He does, however, admit that he should have caught on sooner.

“I'd had suspicions so it wasn't a total shock. There were a couple of signs. Her being secretive when online, being distant one minute than overly affectionate the next. I suspected something was going on but ignored it.”

Of course, it's not always a surprise. “Steve” agreed to let his wife have an affair and actually drove her to meet her lover.

“My wife and I got married four years ago, after having been together for about three years prior to that point. Two years ago, she met a guy via World of Warcraft and broached the topic of having an open relationship (in the sense of being able to have a committed SO outside of our marriage, not casual sex). At the time, the guy she was interested in was also married, and living in Utah, so the potential of anything actually resulting from her dating him seemed rather remote.

“So my wife dated him for a while, but it was strictly online and on the phone. He never told his wife about it, and after a few months he started getting more and more distant before breaking it off.

“A few months after that, my wife met another guy (via World of Warcraft again), a younger one who was still in school. He lived much closer to us (only about a five-hour drive), and after they were dating a few months online she arranged to spend a weekend with him in a hotel room. I had to drive her up there to be with him. She has been with that guy for over a year now, and I've driven her up twice to spend weekends with him.”

While Steve thought it would just be a turn on, he was surprised when other emotions entered the mix.

“At first, (I felt) jealousy with a bit of anger. In the time afterward, jealousy with eroticism. Jealousy that she would have sex with him in ways that she wouldn't with me, would let him do things and let him be completely dominant.”

Still, Steve admits that he's happy he's still with his wife and doesn't regret their relationship at all.

“I've had to sort of compartmentalize our relationship. There's my relationship with my wife, and she is lovely and we get along great and I love being with her and having great sex with her. Then there's her relationship with her boyfriend, where she's the horny sub who will do anything he wants. I have to sort of block that part out or push it aside or at least try not to let that part overshadow the main part, that I'm married to and in love with a beautiful, wonderful girl.”


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