How did it go so wrong?

Have you ever asked yourself that?

Have you ever sat there and wondered how two people who were so much in love ended up where you are now?

Me too. Been there. Done that. "Have the t-shirt"… as they say.

Thinking about my own failed marriage, I realize that each step directly influenced the next which in turn has led me to where I am today.

I'm no expert but if I could sum up the failure of marriages everywhere is one sentence it would be this…

All marriages that fail are due to a series of unintentional misunderstandings!

We don't go into relationships planning to fail…

Women do not consciously plan to lavish a man with praise and sex only long enough get married and then just quit. Likewise, men don't plan to become seemingly insensitive, selfish bores who care about nothing more than jumping a woman's bones every chance they get.

All people enter into relationships with the best of intentions.

So where do the series of misunderstandings begin?

Right after the "I Do's".

Before the wedding, you saw each other only at your best and after hours of preparation and anticipation right? Now, you wake up beside each other every morning in a less than perfect state. Morning breath, no make up and in general, not feeling very sexy.

Your husband cuddles your from behind and you know what that little poke in the backside means. Ugh! How can he possibly want sex at a time like this? You didn't know that men frequently wake up in that state. They don't plan to, they just do. You say "no" because you don't want to be seen at your worst. Your husband feels rejected and takes offense.

Men do not understand that women put a lot of mental and physical preparation into being "sexy".

Women don't understand that to a man, looking your best isn't always what is important.

"Men are visual" has been drilled into our heads so damned much over the years that women can't believe that a man actually may want to have sex for the emotional intimacy.

Yes, men and women do like a "quickie" just for the sex every now and then but it DOES involve emotions for men too. In fact, some of my male friends have confirmed that sex is what makes them feel loved. When they are denied, it hurts their feelings. They experience pain and rejection just as women do!

Likewise, women can suffer from problems such as postpartum depression (PPD) after child birth and other hormonal changes throughout life that, if left unexplained can just lead a husband to believing that his wife no longer gives a damn. The truth is, the wife has no idea what her problem is and actually needs his support and medical help.

Life hands us a lot of things to "misunderstand" throughout the years and it seems to be human nature to just "assume the worst" about each other rather than to ask for an explanation or help.

Did you know that when he said you had a "nice butt" it was a compliment? No, you assumed that he just wanted sex.

Did you know that when she turned you down she was feeling insecure and embarrassed about her "baby fat"? No, you assumed that she just didn't like sex anymore.

These are just a few little examples. While each one on it's own is not a death knell for a relationship, a series of them throughout the years sure can be!

I guess the point I am trying to make is that we don't choose to stop loving each other but we do choose to "give up" on each other when communication fails!

We just assume that we don't love each other anymore and choose to move on. Sometimes, too late, we realize that we were still very much in love.

You never miss what you have…until it's gone!




If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to the OCW Newsletter

Related Posts

A Cheating Story - Could This Be You?

Marriage Changes Everything!

Are You Too Sexy?

Share This