Loving Two Men At The Same Time
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Have you ever found yourself in this situation? This is not uncommon. Many women have at some point in their lives asked themselves: "Is possible to love_two_men at the same time?"
Now before you go off on a self-righteous, "no, you are dishonest and selfish" tantrum, think about it!
What is the absolute definition of love? Is there one?
The dictionary says this:
love (lùv) n
1.a. An intense affection for another person based on familial or personal ties. b. A strong affection for or attachment to another person based on regard or shared experiences or interests. 2. An expression of one's affection. 3.a. An intense attraction to another person based largely on sexual desire. b. The deep affection and tenderness, and concern felt for a person with whom one has or wishes to have a relationship based on sexual attraction. 4.a. Intense sexual passion. b. Sexual intercourse. c. A love affair. 5. An intense emotional attachment.
That's a lot of different interpretations of love - some sexual, some emotional! Based on those definitions, I believe it is possible to love two men at the same time, but for very different reasons.
One may be dependable and sensitive, appealing to your need for comfort and stability while the other may be adventurous and passionate, appealing to your hidden desire for spontaneity and romance - your "wild side". We all have one whether we admit it or not.
The trouble with our "wild side" is that we as women have been conditioned through the years to believe that this part of us is unruly, unacceptable and even slutty.
Society, encourages and even romanticizes the "torn between two men" scenario. Pirates Of The Caribbean would be one of the most recent examples.
Elizabeth is caught in just such a predicament. She is struggling with her love for the dependable and reliable Will Turner and the undeniable chemistry between her and the charming but reckless Captain Jack Sparrow.
Is she a slut? Of course not! She is truly caught in an unintentional but powerful love triangle.
Who will she choose? How will she choose? That is a tough one!
- The death of either character, though painful would alleviate her dilemma.
Not a desirable solution. - Unable to decide, she may choose neither and hope to find all of their combined qualities in one man.
Not likely to happen. - She may remove herself from the situation for an extended period of time to clear her head and try to make a rational decision.
To me, this would be the best option.
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Will Turner would quite obviously be Elizabeth's best choice for a life partner. He is sensitive, compassionate, reliable and loves her deeply. She must realize that Captain Jack Sparrow will not change. Although his passion and unpredictability appeal to her now, as she grows older, she will yearn for sensitivity and stability that Jack will never be able to provide. He is emotionally immature. With time, the very qualities that she now loves, she would come to resent.
One thing is certain. Just as society romanticizes Elizabeth's predicament, so too, does it demand that she make a choice. She does have to choose between Will and Jack just as any woman who finds herself in this situation will. No one can help you with that decision but society does demand that you make it.
Through our own self imposed restrictions, with the exception of a few cultures that practice polygamy, it is just not seen as acceptable to "love" two men at once.
noneRelated Posts:
In Love With Two Men At Once - POTC
Opinions
cec said:
I totally relate to this
I fell back into the charms of my former husband as I got to spend some good time with him ! The fisrt time IO had met him it was love at first sight pure passion, I fzelt he was a soulmate ! He is the artist and wild part of myself, ! But then at the same moment just after having fallen again (after 6 years of separation for my e) IO fall in love with another man, very exciting also fun, and so much more close to me, reassuring, showing and displaying love to me, ready to share everything with me, available…in a way my ex never has been and never will be. My ex is unpredictable, deceptive, I am never quite sure of what's on his mind! He is rather selfish and thinks of his interest first, his friends his playing music always comes first! I am always frustrated with him and my new love is the exact opposite! I can rely on him, he promeses something I can be sure it will be, he does not abandon me, make me wait in vain and so on… shame all this happens at the same time because I cant give my ex a second chance without losing my new love. But if I prove to be mistaken on this new love it is also a big shame
CE said:
Hi cec,
You know what? It has taken 13 years for my ex, who was much as you describe yours, to apologize for the mess he made (he cheated). I never remarried, he did. Now, he is going through a divorce. A part of me still loves him and finds him very exciting but…he has not changed. I can tell, just by talking to him. I wonder IF he would have apologized had his 2nd marriage not failed. Sometimes I think that we tend to "romanticize" our first love. Years pass and the anger fades. We tend to "overlook" the bad stuff. I think that if I was face to face with my ex, (we are 2000 miles apart and speak only by phone) I might feel his "pull". A fling for old times sake might be fun, but then, I am not currently involved with anyone else so I have nothing to lose and no harm would be done. However, if I were in your shoes, I would AVOID him like the plague! You have already been down that road…what was, WILL be again. What failed before will likely fail again.
You sound like you have a wonderful partner now and you know that. I hope you go for what is truly good and will last, not the "heat of the moment" because it will pass! But…whatever you decide, I wish you good luck!
kjc said:
I am in this very predicament (loving two men) and I struggle everyday with making a decision. I left my husband (we'll call him B), whom I was with for nearly 13 years to live with someone else (we'll call him G) about 6 months ago. G is so sweet, loving, caring, gracious, etc…he's all about "me" (not himself, but me); B is all about "me," too (that is…himself "me"). G has my coffee ready in the morning when I get up, lunch ready when I come from work, house is cleaned, dishes done, garbage out, etc….Not to mention, G is the best in bed that I've ever been with! I haven't been disappointed, not even once!
So what's the problem you ask? B and I have been through a lot together in 13 years and I find it very difficult to throw all that away; we've traveled and journeyed and overcome challenges together; we've hung tight through thick and thin, beat off the beasts (egos) together, etc…and we are connected "spiritually." We understand each other like no one else does. We finish each others sentences; we share ideas, morals, truths and know when to give each other space. We are both artists, so we create many things together; we support each other in our adventures, and welcome change. We're just not very good together in the bedroom, nor do we spend enough time together—we tend to do "our own thing" more. We even ended up sleeping in different beds the last year or so.
G knows that I still have a desire to try and make it work with B, but I told him I will not cross that line as long as I am with him. B also knows I will not leave G if B doesn't get his life together (he's battling alcoholism). So I stay where I am, love the one I am with (G), but I keep the hope alive that B will someday get his sh__ together again and that we'll get another chance.
The problem is, they both want me to make a decision now, and that is where I fall short! They are both beautiful people in their own right and both have just as many beautiful qualities…they just happen to be qualities in different areas. I'm afraid if I don't give my marriage another chance (believe me, it's not the first chance by any means) I will regret it for a long time, maybe always. But, if I do give it another chance and it doesn't exist anymore for us (me and B), then I will have lost the best thing that's happened to me (G).
Either way, someone gets hurt and this saddens my heart immensely! In the meantime, I pray to be shown the way.
kjc