Just Click & Enter Your Email Address!Why Do We Cheat?
The Scarlet Letter
01:13 by admin · 5 Comments
I have a girlfriend that was married 5 times by the time she was 35.
The reason for all of this? She wanted to have fun, have variety, and have sex, but because of the way she was raised, she felt that our culture and society determined that she should marry to do and experience those things!
I tried to tell her that she didn’t have to marry everyone that she dated in order to have sex – she could just have a little sex on the side. She was appalled. What would people think of her?
In a today’s world of swinging, cuckolding and same-sex marriages, don’t you think we have evolved beyond the days of The Scarlet Letter?
Today, infidelity has become almost normal – expected even. Hell, it’s practical, it’s trendy, it’s so very “modern”!
Still, there are a few, like my girlfriend, that cling to the moral and ethical codes of monogamy. It’s not wrong, it’s just very outdated and it sets her up for the inevitable disappointment, failure and guilt.
Guilt is a heavy burden for anyone that ever cheats or even dreams of cheating. Still, it may be a better option then being a “serial monogamist” like my girlfriend.
It’s human nature to feel a sense of loyalty and duty to our spouses; they are the ones that we have chosen for better or for worse. We structure our lives around them – their families and friends become ours – we have children and homes and careers and finances with them. We love them.
When the intimacy dissipates and monotony sets in, it’s hard not to feel discouraged, dissatisfied and disillusioned. When someone new comes along and revives those romantic, lustful feelings from days gone by, it’s difficult not to at least consider having an affair.
Some will choose to assuage their guilt by making a million excuses, pointing fingers, and laying blame, feeling that they wouldn’t be doing this “if”…
“If” what though? “If” their spouse was happier, healthier, more attractive, more aggressive, less demanding, didn’t nag, would spend time with them, appreciated them, wanted more sex, was sexier, the list is so long it can be exhausting!
But what if the root of all this is just the basic need for variety? Face it, with someone different and new we experience excitement, intrigue, fantasy, play, teasing, passion, and all of the intimacies that tend to fall to the side in a long term relationship. In short, they give us pleasure!
We have been conditioned to believe that wanting these things is no longer acceptable once in a long term relationship. If the pleasures continue, consider yourself lucky, if not, live with it – you’re married now. So, the things that once gave us great pleasure, are now the cause of our guilt – because we still want them and…sometimes, we sneak them.
If you find that you’re on the precipice of cheating, taking time to re-evaluate before taking the plunge is important. You are about to step off into an unknown place that you may not be able to return from. You will irrevocably change yourself, your marriage, your whole life – and someone else’s life as well. It’s not to be taken lightly, and few can compartmentalize well enough to manage it successfully. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart!
Affairs of any sort are fraught with difficulties, the biggest one usually being the guilt. If, for whatever reason, leaving your spouse is not an option, you have a choice to make. To cheat – or not to cheat. If you decide to cheat, learning to ease your guilt or live with it a little better is the best you can hope for and only you can decide what will work for you.
Things that can help;
- Practice safe sex – not only to prevent disease but pregnancy. No one deserves to unknowingly raise a child that is not their own. It can only lead to heartbreak later.
- Use discretion – the less people who know about your affair, the less chance you have of placing yourself and your spouse in an awkward position.
- Realize that you are having a fantasy relationship so that you don’t go where you shouldn’t (you don’t have to pick his dirty underwear up off the bathroom floor, and he doesn’t have to listen to you bitch about it = fantasy…)
- Prioritize – take care of your family, job, other obligations first – then play.
- Remember – it takes two to get to this point, you didn’t get there on your own. No one is perfect.
There will always be consequences no matter what you do.
Read – A Cheating Story – Could This Be You?
It will give you a different perspective on the same situation.
Good luck!
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Are You Tempted To Cheat? I’m Not Married, So It’s Not Really Cheating…Is It? A Cheating Story – Could This Be You? Monogamy vs Serial Monogamy Today My Wife Met My Girlfriend!
Beautiful Enslavement
Interesting article. I’m 28 and in my fourth marriage so I suppose I qualify as a serial monogamist. However I don’t think it’s a matter of clinging to the old morality. I can have a sexual relationship with someone, not marry them, and feel absolutely no guilt. But there are several aspects of marriage I find apealing. I like having a husband but at the same time I realize I will ultimately get bored with anyone I marry and look elsewhere. And for me it comes down to: “Why not marry? If it becomes apparent it was a mistake or the marriage becomes stale, divorce is so very easy these days.”
“Today, infidelity has become almost normal – expected even. Hell, it’s practical, it’s trendy, it’s so very “modern”!” We truly have evolved to the point where adultery and affairs are expected, accepted, It is practical and it is quickly becoming an accepted ingredient of the NEW MORALIITY. I love it!!!
Kelly
I once worked with a girl who went to reno nevada for a hot weekend. she got married every time she went .- At kleast every year.
Kelly,
I would say I’m headed in your direction. No doubt I’ll have a string of EXs just like you. Interestingly enough, my Mom has been married and divorced numerous times. Maybe that’s had an impact on my views on marriage and divorce. In both my marriages I had honorable intentions but soon after met someone I couldn’t resist. Like you, I like being married but I’ve just never been able to pass up starting a hot affair. I always give in and ultimately end up divorcing my husband. I have a GF BTW that’s on husband number 5 that’s only 30. I love her favorite quote, “Husbands should be like tissues: soft, strong, and disposable. You’re so right! There is a new moraliity and infidelity and divorce are vital ingredients.
Women like SBrauner and Kelly Worthington-Summers make a mockery of marriage. It’s too bad they are allowed to marry again, and again with no consequences. Neither should ever be allowed another marriage license. Husband’s are disposable! What a blantant disregard for the institution of marriage. I suppose you run into a lot of women like them on sites that ACTUALLY promote adultery and divorce.
I always get scared of things like being involved in a relationships and so on… because I’m afraid that I’ll fall out of love. I still believe in the saying that “nothing lasts forever” therefore I think that no matter how in love I will be, I will still fall out of love no matter what I’ll do. But there comes a day that I’d realize that people can “fall in love with the same person again and again” yep, very possible. That happens to my parents that’s why their relationship is always strong. But a good relationship requires a good effort and improvement from both parties. Like, for example, my mom is extremely gorgeous (my classmates and even my classmates’ relatives say so and our classroom always gets quite when she enters or just peek) because she doesn’t let stress be a hindrance to make herself beautiful, so my dad is always head-up and happy whenever he’s with mom. And my dad do improvements in himself by doing sports giving him a good body and at the same time being concern for mommy. The two of them don’t do the same thing for a very long time. They “reinvent” themselves making them more lovable and unpredictably exciting! Remember, being mature doesn’t mean that you need to let yourself be drown into stressful responsibilities and frown. Frowning while working will you give you the same outcome as “smiling” while working, only smiling is better.
I believe that is what couples need to preserve a relationship. I hope I’d help 
