Catch Them, Cheaters, The Signs, Why Do We Cheat?
Cheating Husbands – What Are The Signs?
by Cindy English · 13 Comments
You are a woman. You are intuitive. You "sense" that something about your relationship with your husband or partner has changed. You may be right!
Many of the physical signs of a cheating spouse apply to both sexes. The renewed focus on fitness and appearance, the new clothes and the change in interests. Those things are pretty universal to both men and women.
But what about the more subtle changes? The little things that went unnoticed prior to the physical signs becoming obvious?
It use to be that having an affair was strictly a "contact sport". One had to physically be in an environment where adulterous opportunities presented themselves. Nights out with the boys, business trips, working late, these were all potentially hazardous situations.
Today, the Internet has opened up a whole new world of danger for struggling relationships. One no longer has to even leave the house to find trouble! With a few clicks of the mouse, a dissatisfied partner can easily initiate an online affair with anyone of the millions of available people in cyberspace "looking for love".
In the comfort of your own home, and in complete anonymity, your husband may have initiated an online relationship with someone who poses every bit as much of a threat as the gorgeous blonde next door!
The dangerous difference between an online affair and a "chance meeting" on a night out is that online affairs are often cultivated for months before a physical meeting takes place. There is a substantial emotional investment made through hours of cyberchat.
A husband may convince himself that he is not really cheating as long as the relationship remains in cyberspace and no physical contact is made but, that seldom happens.
In a recent survey by Melbourne's Swineburne University, it was discovered that 41 percent of all people looking for love online are living with a partner. It was relatively rare for online romances to remain in cyberspace without meeting face to face.
These are scary statistics!
So, what should you be looking for?
A change in his overall mood.
- He may be happier and more outgoing.
- He may be quite, more secretive and distant.
- He may become more easily annoyed with the kids or disinterested in their activities.
- He may "pick a fight" to get away from the family.
A change in his work habits.
- He may watch far less television than usual due to an increased computer work load.
- He may avoid family outings because of computer work "deadlines" for the office.
- He may opt for his own personal laptop instead of the usual family computer.
Once an online affair becomes physical…
- He may have to work late at the office more.
- He may take more business trips.
- He may not be at work when you call his office.
- He may withhold more money than usual.
- He may leave the room to talk when his cell phone rings.
- His friends and co-workers may seem uncomfortable around you. They know!
- He may "pick a fight" allowing him to storm out of the house.
And here is the "Big One" to throw you completely of his trail…
- He may accuse you of having an affair! That one often tends to stop women in their tracks. I mean, who would suspect that their husband is having an affair if he is angrily questioning your fidelity right? Wrong! That is a very common "red herring". Beware!
None of these "signs of a cheating husband" are conclusive. If your husband exhibits any of these behaviors, take notice but do not jump to hasty conclusions! Many insecure women have let fear and paranoia cloud their judgement. Quick judgements can often lead to bad decisions!
If you are concerned about the possibility of your husband or partner cheating on you, ask yourself why? Why would he want to have an affair? Is he getting what he needs from me?
Men, although they don't often admit it, need to feel loved, appreciated and accepted just as women do. Yes, their egos may need stroking every now and then and they do require sex. Annoying and time consuming you say? No more so than your need to talk and cuddle is to them!
In spite of their outward and very necessary macho facade, men can be just as sensitive and insecure in a relationship as women are. As human beings, we all need love and recognition!
So…maybe underneath your fear that your husband may stray, you secretly know (if you are honest with yourself) that at times you may give him reason to?
- Are you the same woman he fell in love with?
- Do you keep yourself in shape?
- Do you show and interest in his activities?
- Do you make him feel special?
- Do you make time just for him?
- Do you ever say "I Love You"?
Never take anyone that you care about for granted. Complacency can easily be translated into lack of interest.
Put the kids to bed early tonight and spend some quality time with your husband.
Affairs do not damage relationships. They are the result of relationships already damaged!
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RE: Adultery
Sometimes there can indeed be no signs whatsoever.
A man in my church has a habit of cheating. A woman in my church who finds him attractive has a history also of an affair with a married man that lasted for thirteen years. She has no compunction about it and it was never discovered.
She seems to enjoy the deception and secrecy of it. That seems to be the thrill.
The man with who she flirts has a history of cheating. His job enables him to be accessible by his wireless connection only. He is not accountable for where he might be in a work environ. He often golfs or ambles about doing what he wants in the day. though checking in on time at work is a priority, and he is never delayed nor late in the morning.
He is a property manager with, one assumes, access to places to hide.
She is enjoying early retirement and is married to a guy who spends a lot of time, retired also, at his club. Quite content his darling wife is about church business.
The lover's wife has never had a particular intimacy with him as he has cheated so often, and today she believes that his nature is simply dis-connected and withdrawn. She thinks her 'former cheater' to to be a dis-connected albatross who enables her to give the children what they need.
He is home every night, as is his lover. Nobody is the wiser. Is this wrong?
Macushla
I am a married man & have been in a relationship with my lover Honey for 3yrs.
I love Honey. I love my children and my wife.
Most people wouldn't see how I can love both women, because that's not what love is to them. But I do love them both very much.
I do feel guilty and know I am doing wrong – does that mean I care about my wife but not enough to stop doing this? Or that I care about her but I care more about me? I don't know.
All I know is I love my wife – and I love Honey so much that I can't bear not to have her in my life – but my wife and children will always come first. I will never leave them. Honey knows that too.
There may not be any of the signs your article mentions:
* I already took frequent business trips – now I take them with Honey, but they are no more frequent.
* We ensure we have zero contact when I am home – evenings, weekends, holidays.I have never used the home phone or computer to contact Honey.
* My appearance is exactly as it was.Honey loved me for who I was not for who I could be if I made more effort more often.
* We only exchange small untraceable gifts & these are kept at work.
* Nobody except Honey & I know about it. Not friends, family, or colleagues.
Obviously what we're doing isn't right, my only point here is that the signs aren't always there for the wife to see.
And Honey, if you ever see this- thank you darling, I love you so very much and truly do not deserve you. My life will never be the same without you (when one day you go, to seek more for yourself, as surely you must do) and I'm sorry I cannot give you all you deserve. Thank you for understanding my love & commitment for my children and wife. And thank you for the wonderful sex! I am sending this from your computer so perhaps you will see it.
I have done all you recommend. At 47 I looked 10 years younger. I ignored the extra 30 pounds he was dragging around and the fact that he is lousy in bed and uninterested in improving (believe me, Ive tried). I was in fabulous shape, worked, cooked beautiful dinners, gave him massages, and yes, I swallow. But I got sick. I can barely make it through a workday. I can't work out like I used to and have lost a lot of weight. He said he married a woman, not an illness (this has been going on for 2 years) and he's not interested in sex with me because he's not willing to do the "heavy lifting." I just discovered online that he joined a swinger's club here in town. He has a userid so I know he's registered. The thing is I don't want him to know that I can check his history and know his passwords or he'll just hide it. But if he's with a bunch of sluts and who knows, maybe guys too I don't want him touching me and giving me HIV or something. I already have lymphoma. How does an ugly cancer-ridden hag keep her husband interested? Other than the sex he's been pretty decent and taken care of me.
hallayahoo.com – please read: Does A Wife's Illness Justify Husband Cheating?
Hope it helps you! Take care!
They just DO, it seems! They are thinking of a trial separation with you, but they can still have sex with you. Shows how disconnected the heart and the dick are.
They bloody don't need reasons to cheat, just having friends who are "single" dating series of young girls who are naive enough to think these men have money (when they can't even afford an allowance for the wife!), somehow entice them to go for the same excitement. Talk about peer pressure hitting men with mid-life crisis!
I hate man, why they don't leaves ,us and go with the other girl friend, if only the girl like them for the money presents and trips
.take the money and away, and you see y they love them only the stupid wife support everything until we discover them and we have more b.than them and we kick them out our life for good
I just want to make a remark about the comment "affairs don't damage a relationship, they are the results of a relationship already damaged." While for some this may be true, some of us have done everything, in the bedroom and out, to keep our husbands happy. In my case, I am the wrong gender and yes, his affairs DID damage our relationship. I forgave and forgave, but he kept doing it because HE has sexual issues beyond anything I can do for him. So, next time you make a blanket statement like that, consider how truthful it is because our marriage will end in divorce. It wouldn't have if he would have stopped, but he refused.
I have a friend who reconnected with his first love after 30 years apart. He married a nice woman, but she let herself go, and although he once loved her, it was never quite what he wanted. Now he wants out..she's in her late fifties, children are grown, and they haven't had a sexual relationship in several years. He's trying to make enough money to leave her the property and be with his lover. I see the wife occassionally, and he looks 10 years younger and many pounds lighter. His older daughter contacted me because she knows her father has someone and she found evidence. Surely the wife must know! The lover is now divorced, and they see each other several times a week. As someone who investigates cheaters for a living, my advice to women like the wife is this: if there's no spark , no fire, don't stay. Get a divorce, fix yourself up, and find someone who wants you. don't wait for things to change…they won't, at least it's not likely, and the end result will be the same. Get the evidence, and divorce with dignity. or find a lover of your own. Howard