Why Do We Cheat?
Interview With An Adulteress
by bcalendar · 10 Comments
Today, I want to introduce you to Violet – or as she calls herself on her infidelity blog, The Harlot.
Violet is just shy of 35 years old and has been unfaithful to her husband since even before they were married. While her husband sometimes tells her that he has fantasies about her being unfaithful, he's not a true cuckold – when he's not horny, he tells her he never wants her to cheat on him. Little does he know!
Because she is an example for every woman who has decided to take charge of her sex life and embrace her cheating ways, we decided to sit down with her for a little girl talk. I hope you find her an inspiration the next time you log into Ashley Madison!
Q: When were you first unfaithful to your husband?
A: I'd say about five months after we started going out. We were living apart and we had a deal that I could sleep with people, but only once. I went back for seconds, and even thirds, a couple of times. After we lived together I continued to sleep with other people, which he definitely did not know about, for about another 18 months. I was then faithful for six years, after which I started to mess around again.
Q: What made you decide to stray?
A: Well, I view sex as entertainment – my second favorite way of passing the time, after curling up with a good book. Another reason is that when I get bored, I get horny – and I'm bored a lot of the time. The reason I started messing about again after six years of monogamy, however, was a whole concatenation of circumstances. I was unhappy for a number of reasons, including my husband very much taking me for granted and not putting any work into the relationship; my life not doing what I wanted it to do and me having absolutely no control over it; and my being far away from my husband for a weekend, and looking up to see an old flame walk into the room. I could think of nothing else but to grab him and bang him senseless.
That "relationship" didn't work out, as I broke it off a few months later on the grounds of being madly in love with him and yet having no intention whatsoever of leaving my husband. I then looked around and found a number of men more than willing to help me get over breaking my own heart by getting into bed with me on a regular basis. Once I got over that whole business, well… there's a world full of men out there! And they will be mine. Oh yes. My precious.
Q: How many men have you been unfaithful with?
A: I think about 26.
Q: Do you have any regrets at all?
A: I've had the occasional regret about sleeping with a particular person, usually on grounds of them being crap in bed or generally uninteresting and I was just being polite. I've had the occasional regret about breaking it off, which I tend to do if the person is trying to get too close to me. I'm not out there for love, or to build a "secret garden of love and tenderness." I'm out there to have sex. I have no intention of leaving my husband, nor any intention of falling in love with anybody. This makes it easier – if somebody starts to get on my nerves, then hasta la vista, baby, I'm gone.
Q: What's the riskiest thing you've ever done as an adulteress?
A: Messed around on the sofa with the next door neighbor's best friend while my husband was asleep in the bedroom. Dumb. I'd blame it on having had too much to drink. In other terms, having sex without a condom when I wasn't taking any other form of contraception.
Q: What would you like to say to our female readers who are considering having their first affair, but are nervous about sticking their toe in the water?
A: Compartmentalize. This is your home/business life, and this is your naughty life. The two should not meet. Ever. Therein lies mess and confusion.
Second, prepare your alibi stories well in advance, but don't use them unless you're actually asked where you were. That way you don't run out of stories!
Third, set your ground rules to yourself before you get wet (both literally and metaphorically!). Myself, I don't go with people I'm likely to fall in love with or feel more than mild affection for. I don't go with anybody who has any connection whatsoever to my workplace, and quite often my partners have no idea of my real name. They also know not to text me after 6 p.m. or on weekends. Also, my husband, my child, and my extended family come first – if they need/want me at home, even if I've set up an evening of getting gang-banged by firemen I'm at home with them.
Fourth, use a condom. It's like back in high school – if the guy won't use one, then he's not worth it.
Fifth, only tell your best friend about it if you can utterly and completely and totally, to the death, with a gun at her head and a knife at her throat, trust her discretion. Because if you can't…it will get out. Best of all is not to tell anybody at all.
And finally, if you're not sure, then don't. When you come to the right decision, you'll know – because you'll stop thinking about it!
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Excellent interview! I really love her matter of fact attitude.
Damn Violet,
You come down south here because we have an international drill, no pun, team with the fire department that would like to work you out over the pool tables. We can close the bar on an emergency basis shall we say have a "fire-drill" and bang your ass off on the pool tables, yes tables, till you have to take a few days off cause you walk funny.
AS you say "hasta la vista, baby"
I found this interview fascinating. It seems many people can treat sex on more than one level. To some, it is an expression of love for a person. To others it is "Disney World for Adults" a pleasure palace with minimal rules.
I find it interesting that some people can treat it as both. Harlot definitely has her attitude and confidence in check, as it were. Too bad her husband can't be involved (or maybe he has playthings, too?)
My affair was destroyed by not following her rules (I fell in love) and of course, this ruined any possibility of "compartmentalization".
After counseling, we elected to treat the affair as a learning experience! We now have affairs whenever we want with each other. It works about 90% as well as a real affair for the excitement level and 100% better on the guilt/messy side of the double life. All in all, I found it a pretty fair trade.
makeyourwifehot
I envy Violet in many ways. She knows what she wants and has no guilt. However, I think one more question in that interview would have been interesting…my final question to Violet would have been: You seem to value your family, ("my family comes first") and yet you risk it everyday. Do you think it (your family) would survive if your husband were to find out about your "naughty life"?
Doug, I was impressed by your comment here and your "BragBlog". Spent some time there and enjoyed it. I liked your analogy regarding women and their way of thinking…[Just as we can’t NOT think about a pink elephant when those words are read or spoken, her ability to “let an issue go” or “close that annoying pop-up” in her brain is impossible.] This, much to our dismay is SO true. Could we change it – we surely would! LOL I have added your blog to my friends page. Thanks for visiting!
I wish I knew more women like this. I do know a few but several more would make things much more exciting.
What I would find interesting to know is how she would react if she found her husband cheating on her?
I happen to know Violet in real life and her husband does have sex with other women when he's on business trips and he tells her about it and it turns her on.
She's also talked about this on her blog many, many times. And, interestingly, when they have sex he tells her he wants her to cheat on him – it's just after he's cum that he gets weird and doesn't want her to.
Ah, alright then. I am a firm believer in equality within relationships. If one spouse cheats, then the other should be free to do so as well. Just as I also believe that (unless they do not want to do it) nothing should be done for a lover that you would not do for your spouse. After all, how could you claim to love someone when you treat the 'other' better?
My general feeling is that on some level he knows, but if he admitted to himself that he knew he'd feel less manly, so he chooses not to know.