Shouldn't We Go For Coffee First?
Why is there such a lack of commitment in relationships today? Think about it. Cheating is nothing new…we've been doing it since the beginning of time. Perhaps, just not with such brazen abandonment! We cheated but, we were "committed" cheaters. We stuck it out. We made our beds and we lay in them.
Back in the "old days" cheaters seldom left their spouses. Wives often "stood by their men" while those same men continued to support their families in spite of their wandering ways.
Why?
Women needed the support of the men and the men needed the same things that they have always needed…to be looked up to and admired as strong providers and…more sex!
But boy, how the times are changing!
Many women today are confident and financially stable on their own. They are no longer dependant on men as providers. They can take care of themselves. In short, women don't have to put up less than satisfying sex or men's infidelity anymore.
Now that's a whole new ball game!
Today, women may not need men…but they do still want them.
What do women want with men if not to be providers? Sex! Yes, women are fast learning something that men have long since mastered - the art of having indiscriminate sex without emotional attachment.
Whoa! Talk about turning the tables! Suddenly, all of the control is not squarely in the men's court anymore.
So now you have both men and women out there "testing the merchandise" before purchase. Fair enough.
If you are old enough to remember the old "no sex until marriage" rule, I am thinking you have probably experienced some disappointment in your love life if you followed it.
It was a damned stupid, self imposed rule if you ask me. Kind of like buying a pig in a poke. Why in the world would anyone want to commit to someone that they had never seen naked much less been intimate with? I'm sorry to be crass here, but, I'm a girl and hey, size does matter. If I suddenly unwrapped my four and a half inch wedding present, I would be disappointed to say the least! I might even try to evoke my "30 Day Buyer's Remorse Clause"! 
The trouble with today's "try it before you buy it" scenario is that it doesn't seem to be helping people to choose more compatible partners. The divorce rate continues to climb in spite of our new found freedom.
As more and more emphasis is put on sexual satisfaction we seem to be forgetting that there has to be something besides lust to hold a couple together. There has to be some common ground or there is no relationship. Without shared interests, trust and dare I say it…respect…there can be no love. Without real love, no couple can survive.
Sadly, we seem to act mostly on impulse these days, basing relationship potential on physical chemistry and little else. If it feels good, it must be love. If suddenly we just don't "feel it" anymore…we move on and on and on…
While I do strongly believe in checking out sexual compatibility with a potential partner before committing, I think there has to be a meeting of the minds too. Those lust hormones can override every ounce of your common sense and are really no substitute for getting to know someone.
Perhaps we should go for coffee first? 
If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to the OCW Newsletter
Related Posts
Sex Is Really Just A Mind Game Men's Oral Sex Survey Results
Tags: cheaters, committed relationships, divorce rate, indiscriminate sex, lust hormones, no sex, sexual satifaction
Opinions
mandy said:
Whoever wrote this is sadly mistaken and will face the music later. Unfortunately it will be too late. It is not a "damned stupid, self imposed rule", it is and always be the word of GOD to refrain from sex until marriage. Make no mistake or jokes about it. Either you believe and obey it or not but it's written for a reason and is good for all time.
A2shutterbug said:
The human species is one of a few species that is promiscuous. “In bonobos, the amount of promiscuity is particularly striking because bonobos use sex to alleviate social conflict as well as to reproduce.” source is Wikipedia. Perhaps with humans, promiscuity serve similar or adaptive purposes such as a woman wanting the safe and secure spouse but also looking for better genetic material, that is the hunks of the world. Considering that the “Six degrees of separation” theory in humans has recently been tested to found to be somewhat substantiated, promiscuity or cheating, may be a way for a highly connected species like humans, to resolve conflicts or enhance relationships. I will leave the debate to the scholars and simply say, that cheating as a form or promiscuity, may be part of who we are as humans.
Now why do we have all of these rules preventing cheating? Many religions have the monogamous model. I suspect it is in large part, a way to maintain order and accomplish things like work and rearing children. Men if fearful of cheating wives, would not be able to go off on primal hunts or in today’s world to work at the office or factory. They would be fearful the wife found better genetic material that they would end up caring for. To reduce cheating, we should perhaps have fewer offices and do more of our work in the same house as our spouse. With the Internet, why not?
These are my thoughts for now.