Why Do Men Leave For Younger Women?
Recently, an OCW reader made the following request…
My husband is 46 and leaving me for a 29 year old woman that he has been seeing off and on for a year. I would love to read some articles concerning men who leave their wives for younger women. He says age has nothing to do with it.
Since the topic affects many women, here are my thoughts on the subject…
Many men leave their wives for younger women and I do believe that age has something to do with it, but not necessarily because of the physical aspects.
While the popular phrase, "men like eye candy" is true, I think men have a serious need to be admired, looked up to and respected, particularly by their spouse or partner.
Beauty will not sustain a relationship but the emotional aspects will.
I think that after years of marriage, we all tend to take each other for granted. We get comfortable and lazy.
We stop telling our partners how wonderful they are, or how important they are or how much they mean to us. We stop doing those "little things". We tend to say nothing when things are going well but are very quick to point out each others faults and failures.
When we stop giving each other positive feedback, self doubt and insecurity set in.
Although guys do not show it or express it well, they have emotional needs too. Younger women look up to older men. They see them as providing wisdom and stability financially, physically and emotionally.
The younger woman needs to feel beautiful, adored and cared for while the older man wants to feel admired, needed and important. For a time, each satisfies the other's desires.
But, as with all relationships, the new wears off and reality once again sets in. Things become stale and boring, just as it did with the previous relationship. As the woman becomes more self sufficient and less dependant on her husband, the man finds himself attracted to a new younger woman who once again "needs" him and restores his feelings of self worth.
Donald Trump is a perfect example of this scenario also known as serial monogamy.
Here is the link to an excellent article on why men leave. It is written by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, a New York psychologist and relationship expert.
If after reading the article, you visit her site, you can download a free book entitled "As A Man Thinketh" which is quite good. Her site is full of information which you may find very helpful.
She also has written an excellent book called Why Men Leave. This isn't just another self help book for women who blame themselves for their men leaving. This book contains lengthy interviews from over 40 men who explain, from the heart, exactly what went wrong. You get the answers straight from the horses mouth!
Surprisingly, the men accept their share of responsibility for their failed relationships and they feel badly about it!
Visit the sales page for the book - seriously! Even if you choose not to buy the book which is $33.00, Dr. Shoshanna provides a wealth of information right there on the sales page!
Without buying a thing, you will find out the primary reasons why men leave their wives. You will also gain some real insight into the male mind and learn the eight most common mistakes people make in their relationships. Made a few of these myself!
Spend a while on her site, you won't be sorry.
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Opinions
poledra said:
Whatver they say, it's all crap. If they truly felt bad, they'd at least take care of business, but most don't. They are animals, and need to be treated as such, and never, ever relied on!
Servanne Illien said:
I think that if men really love their wife, have moral values and do everything they can to keep that love alive, they will find the true rewards of long term, dedicated relationships. As it takes two to build a true loving and lasting relationship, this also applies to women.
Unfortunately, in today's world, love is very rare. It's all about sex, power and money.
Mr. Trump is a perfet example of this. He finds one beautiful woman, sleeps with her, eventually marries her and once he has become tired of his new toy, he drops her for the next fashionble and sexy toy on the market. The fact that he does not know what to do with his money gives him easy access to the sexiest barbie dolls on the market. He, like many, confuses love with sexual attraction and fulfillment of sexual desires.
If he was starving to death, his perception on life would change. If he used some of his power and wealth to make this world a better place to live and alleviate the sufferances of the sick and poor, his priorities would also be different.
Although physical attracftion has a role to play in a relationship, moral values, a dedication to commitment and really caring and taking time for the other person are what is required for long term relationships. I think that serial loves kill the innocence of our heart and our capacity to stay faithful to the one we love and in the end numbs our souls and leaves us alone and empty.
Though I am scared of the fundamentalism and intolerance of religions, I still think that religions (the monogamous ones) taught us the principles of a fulfilling, happy and righteous life. Fulfillment of sexual desires will never bring lasting joy, only true love can soothe the longing of the heart and help us build meaningful and truly happy relationships and lives. But those require commitment, truly caring, truly loving, dedication, dialogue and humility.
That's my take on the subject and I know because I have paid the price of the world we live in, the emptiness of the our society and my own mistakes.
I truly love someone once. I never knew if that love was shared. But I still long for what could have been.
In the end, it also has a lot to do with the values we were taught in our younger years and keeping them no matter what.