Consequences

You’re Stuck In A Moment…

…And you can’t get out of it.

This song by U2 really hits home doesn’t it?

If this song brings you to tears, the pain of infidelity is still too fresh in your mind.

If, on the other hand, you can listen and think yeah…wow…that is a great song…Congratulations!





You are well on the way to recovery. At least that’s the way it was for me! I couldn’t listen to this song for the longest time. Now I just think it is one hell of a true but terrific song.

When someone cheats on you, it’s easy to get stuck in the moment. Boy do I know it! When I discovered that my husband had been unfaithful it took me years to get “unstuck”. My self esteem hit an all time low. And my self confidence? Nonexistent!

It’s a terrible thing to give someone that much control over your thoughts, your actions, your life. But that’s exactly what I did. I allowed my ex-husband’s behavior to control who I became. In my mind, I was responsible for him leaving. I was worthless.

Of course I know differently now but at the time? Pffff!

What is the first thing you do? Right! You doubt yourself BIG TIME! I mean if someone rejects you, there must be something wrong with you right?

Your thought process may go something like this…

Maybe I’m too fat.

Maybe I’m too old.

Maybe I’m too wrinkled.

Maybe I’m not good enough in bed.

Maybe I should have given him the blow job he wanted…well, you get the picture.

Next you start comparing yourself…

She’s prettier.

She’s younger.

She has a perfect figure.

She looks like a porn star, she must be good in bed.

She probably gave him the blow job he wanted…sorry, but you do think
like that!

You get angry. You berate yourself. You blame yourself. In general, you just hate everything about yourself.

Then you withdraw. You become consumed and depressed by your flaws. You avoid your friends and hide out at home. There’s no chance of getting hurt again if you don’t put yourself out there right?

Just be secure in the knowledge that your time has come and gone. You are too old. You are too wrinkled and although you really have nothing to gauge it by, you probably suck in bed too…or not! (Hey, there has to be a little humor in everything! It’s what keeps us sane! )

No point in going out there. Who is going to want you anyway? Your self esteem and confidence are sooooo low that you just know that you are not worthy of anything or anyone better. Might as well stay home with your cat. You are safe there!

No chances to take.

No decisions to make.

No possibility of rejection.

Your cat loves you…well…at least you think he does…maybe not…maybe he is just there for the food…maybe he just hasn’t found any place better yet…maybe…maybe…

See? SELF DOUBT It can completely ruin your life if you let it!

Self confidence is central to everything that happens in your life. You need it to thrive in this world. I have learned that self confidence is not about how smart I am, how much I have accomplished or even how pretty I am…although I would love to improve in at least two out of three of those areas!

Self confidence for me is about knowing that I can handle whatever comes my way. I may not like it, but I can handle it! It’s about being scared but trying it anyway.

Like John Wayne said: “Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.”

Anyone can be confident in familiar surroundings and circumstances. Being confident in the face of the unknown is the trick. There was a time when I couldn’t walk into a strange place alone. I always felt like everyone would be looking at me and judging me based on my entrance. Geez!

Most of us let our fears and self doubt keep us from our goals and desires.

Self confidence is the ability sidestep fears that would normally prevent you from trying something new. Self confidence is knowing that no matter what the situation, good or bad, you can handle it!

For many of us it doesn’t come naturally though. It has to be learned.

I remember reading something once a long time ago while I was “hiding” from the world that made absolute sense to me. In fact, it was probably the opening at the end of that long dark tunnel for me.

“You wouldn’t worry nearly as much about what people thought of you if you realized just how little they actually do…if fact, they are probably not thinking about you at all!”

And you know what? It’s absolutely true.

These days, I am open to new ideas and I don’t worry too much about what anyone else thinks. I know who I am and I know that I am worthy of what ever my heart desires.

I decide what I will or won’t do based on my own criteria:

Do I want to do this? Maybe? Okay.

What do I have to gain? Sounds good. It’s worth a shot!

What have I got to lose? Nothing? Great!

What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Can I live with that? Yes? Terrific!

What would I be doing if I weren’t doing this? Nothing? How very dull…let’s do it!

You can’t heal if you don’t let yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Be nice to you! Don’t ignore your past. Examine it. Learn from it. Know that you did your best. Move on.

You’ll never get better if you don’t teach yourself how!

Something wonderful is still waiting for you. You have to get up and get out there.

Sure, you will suffer a few little set backs along the way. You are going to make some more mistakes too. I know I sure do.

But…in the words of U2…

And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It’s just a moment
This time will pass…

You are going to be just fine!

Here’s to a wonderfully Happy and Healing New Year for you!


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